The role marriage played

When I got married last October, I knew that my life would face some major adjustments. I figured that since I had never lived away from home, much less with a boy (remember, all sisters here), the universe was clearly bound to flip right on its head. And many aspects of life did change real quick, but most of them were anticipated and therefore not a big deal.

There were only two adjustments that I didn't see coming, and one of them only half counts because Joseph saw it coming. That one was homesickness and it's recorded well enough in my personal journal.

The other one was my sudden participation in the social media comparison game.

If I had to guess how and why this snuck up on me, I would say that it was actually nothing new, but that there was a just crucial plot twist that took place as a result of marriage. To put it briefly: during my single life, I was winning. I had it all! Great place to live, fun job, awesome ward and calling, abundant opportunities to date, friends near and far, and money to spend on things like ice cream and craft projects. I literally could not have asked for more, and that is not a misuse of the word "literally."

But when I got married? I lost lots of that real quick. Our apartment was (is) tiny and quirky and far from home. My new job was in a cubicle instead of a flower shop. I needed that job desperately if we wanted to buy groceries, which meant ice cream runs and crafting were things of the past. Our ward was the product of a recent ward split, so nobody knew anybody and friends were hard to come by. I mean, it all could have been worse, but it all could have been better, too. You know? 

Add to this great loss the fact that I was also now watching for "how to be a wife" everywhere I looked, and you can just imagine the great and spacious comparisons which occupied my occasional chunks of free time. I'm supposed to be cooking meals that are delicious and healthy? I'm supposed to be designing wall galleries of our best wedding photos? I'm supposed to be done sending out thank you cards? I'm supposed to be wanting to have a baby? Where should I even begin??

Usually I resorted to homework. It was a safe bet.

But as the craziest semester of my life came to a close, life settled down and handed me some time to reflect. I thought about "life since marriage." I hadn't been miserable, but I hadn't been thriving, and I couldn't quite figure out why. After some praying and thinking and talking and cooking, I determined that comparison had been the root of all my evil for the last few months. 

Thus, my 2014 New Year's resolution was this: KILL THE COMPARISON BEAST, once and for all. I wanted to actively refuse participation in the social media comparison game, but I also wanted to develop an instinctive "good for you" response when others succeeded while eliminating my instinctive "good for me" response when others failed. This was something I needed for myself, but it also had great potential for benefiting those around me since I anticipated words of encouragement and love following as a natural result.

And so I started on my little path to find and kill the beast. I'll come back and talk more about said beast later.


[This is the third post in a not-really series in which I work publicly through some thoughts on social media and comparisons and such. First post here and second post here.]