Mother's Day Study

Happy Mother's Day. I have been looking toward this day with a bit of apprehension this year, and I'm not entirely sure why. I think a part of it stems from my church-related studies for 2020 and the discoveries I have made regarding women in church throughout LDS history. I haven't found many stories that are grisly and blatantly demoralizing, nor have I had any testimony-severing experiences in my search. I have found many wonderful stories of leading ladies and faithful women who challenged the status quo. I'm grateful for this.

However, the more I've studied, the more I've needed to add supports to the previously weak bridge that I had built and traversed between "what I hear in church/cultural contexts about women" and "what I actually believe about women." My experiences with women in the world and with God throughout the world have shown me the value--infinite and eternal--of women. My church preaches that infinite value as well! But if I placed the teachings of the church on one side of a scale and the actions of the church on the other side of the scale, I'm not sure it would balance. The patriarchal model of my church leans hard on its benevolence, and I'm still reconciling that with my understanding of the nature of God (meaning Heavenly Father and Mother together) and the work of God's people on earth. The bridge is getting stronger and I am more able to readily traverse between ideas on both sides. But it takes work and I need to keep building if I intend to stay (and I do).

(It has been both particularly difficult and particularly easy lately. Not having church means I can filter my own studies to include ideas I mostly agree with (easy!). But not having church means I've become keenly aware of the hierarchy of family structures in the church...and mine is not presently at the top of the hierarchy (hard). COVID has revealed this and other female church issues in a stark way for me.)

So today, in an effort to celebrate Mother and mothers, I opted to spend most of my free time studying scholarly articles on Heavenly Mother. Where is she found in scripture? What about in the historical records of the church? I answered these and a few related questions through my study. I felt connected to Her in a way I never have before. And what a way to celebrate motherhood! I will end this day feeling more valued and convinced of my eternal nature and potential than on perhaps any past Mother's Day in my life.

"Her Eye is on the Sparrow" by Heather Kay

"In Her Image" by Amber Eldredge

I have other thoughts about motherhood and womanhood and church and kids and parenting and my own family and all the topics that tend to come up on Mother's Day, but for now they take a back seat. I have a Mother God who loves me and knows me and is involved in my life. And I'll rest easy for tonight knowing that.