From the draft archives: "Quote for 23 February 2013"

     “To love at all is to be vulnerable.”

- C.S. Lewis

Chose this quote today because I recently fell in love with the vulnerability of falling in love. I made the decision to like a boy in my ward, just a lil bit, just to give dating outside of Joe a shot. And that boy seemed to maybe like me a lil bit, too. But then he got himself a girlfriend. Which was fine, but kinda sucked a lil bit.

There was this moment, though. This moment where I think I already knew, but I had to make sure. And he was walking out the door, and I was suddenly calling, "Wait!" without even knowing how or why I was saying it. He turned around, and right then I was vulnerable beyond vulnerable. I can count on one hand the other times in my life where I have acted with such abandon. 

And it felt great. I can't say I was happy in that moment because I had dreams and expectations of my own sliding down the drain, but that moment of raw emotion was good for me. Vulnerability is hard but it has a way of offering satisfaction. You did all you could do; you put literally everything out there. If it didn't work out after that, it didn't need to.


[2014 edit: Glad that didn't work out. Glad I had the experience, yes. But more glad to be where I'm at.]