Another Letter

Dear USPS, 

Many thanks for the excellent service as of late. As far as I know, nothing has been lost in my recent communications between Provo, SLC, and Arizona. I'm impressed; if I was entrusted with so much important information every day of my life and told to disperse it all around the world, I'd have a heck of a time doing it. So congrats on your excellent local service. 

Now, I need to ask a favor: pretty please (with a cherry on top!) continue such good service while I begin sending letters to Mexico. I understand that part of the trip is a little outside of your control, but if you would be so kind as to get it as far as you can, I promise to pray for the rest of the distance. In my lifetime of experience, I've found that praying usually does the trick. Also, there should be some letters coming this way from yonder; if you could continue to put those on top of all the other mail in the mailbox as you've so kindly done in the past, I would greatly appreciate it. That way I won't have to sift through everything else "just to make sure."

You probably wonder why I'm even bothering to write this letter. You already know how to do your job, and I know you know how, and you know that I know you know how, so why would I spend my time drafting a mini instruction kit? Valid question. Please, allow me to explain. 

A few months ago, my father put a very important package in your tender care. Within the small box was a slightly damaged blue camera with its battery, battery charger, and some other bells and whistles. It was supposed to reach Office Depot without any delays so that they could confirm the damage and send a new blue camera. I was told 6-8 weeks. It's been 10. 

After today's thorough search for serial numbers and email confirmations, we were told that Office Depot never actually received this broken blue camera. I feel like that's a problem... 

Seeing as how the blue camera was lost while in your care, we now have a bit of a trust issue (hence the letter). However, I'm in a good mood today because thanks to Office Depot's warranty, I'll be getting reimbursed for the camera and therefore able to replace it. So listen, I'll strike you a deal: you deliver two years worth of letters to and from Mexico safely and soundly, and I'll forget you ever lost my beloved blue camera. Also, it wouldn't hurt if you happened to leave a large supply of stamps on my front porch. Sound good? 

Many thanks for your cooperation. You really do have a good system; hope you know that. 

Sincerely, 
Lys. 

PS: Wicked sweet acronym you got there, by the way. USPS. It just rolls right off the tongue. USPS. It's almost musical. USPS. Yeah, I enjoy that.